British ambassadors to Pakistan, Iran and Indonesia have been summoned to explain their position.

Ali Uq-Oseman explained "Many muslims are deeply offended and see the existence of the Christian Church as a personal attack on their religion. We demand that Prime Minister Blair close the churches before more senseless acts of terrorism are incited because of this".

Tony Blair promised to close the Church, strip it of charitable status and investigate other "religions" that threatened to offend Muslims in autocratic regimes where human rights are routinely and systematically abused.

Beckett - standing up for justice

Foreign Secretary, Margaret Beckett, was keen to be seen as accomodating as Mr. Blair, proposing that Christians of all denominations would be rounded up and buried up to their necks "in sports stadiums around the United Kingdom and have rocks thrown at their heads until they are dead, dead, dead!"

Blair - Legacy

The Archbishop of Canterbury was advised against commenting on the issue or indeed any event pertinent to the day that could be seen as damaging to the government or more specifically, the legacy of Tony Blair.